X

I’m sorry I haven’t written an entry for a while ;A; I’ve had some personal issues going on and I also was away for Christmas. But here I am now! I’m going to tell you about my Christmas later but this entry is going to be a little different~

Yeah it’s DBSK’s 10th anniversary today! And looks like it's my 10th entry as well. And that’s the reason why I’m writing this right now~ It has been a long way hasn't it? I’m not really good at writing these kinds of things but I’ll give it a try!  

I have been a Cassie since 2011 if I remember correctly. It has been amazing two years for me, I've learned so many new things and experienced a lot of different emotions from time to time. Many tears has been shed and laughs have been laughed but my love for these guys grows every day. I don't see them as idols anymore, I see them as my family. I now have five new fathers and all those fellow Cassies are my brothers and sisters. We watch each other's backs and help those who need our help. We've stood by each other trough hard times and we're going to do that in the future! Well obviously I can't imagine how hard it has been to those Cassies who were there during the lawsuit but I have a huge respect towards them. They are amazing. 

Here's a list of thing DBSK has thaught me! It's from another blog but it was so accurate that I had to share it [Source]

DBSK made me appreciative and thankful even for the small things, trust me. They made me think out of the box, and they are the ones who taught me how to freely express myself in words, though most of the time, words aren’t enough to say how wonderful I feel about being a Cassie.

DBSK made me see the beauty of friendship in a much deeper dimension. I am a solitary nature by person but ever since I became a Cassie, I became very active and even made friends not just on the Internet but personally, as well. I’ve met some Cassies who’re studying in the same university as mine and believe me, we felt like we’re long lost sisters!! :”) They now became my personal friends whom I talk to everyday, even if it’s about our everyday lives and problems.

There are so much more but this one’s my favorite… DBSK has given me motivation to move forward, courage to step up out of the crowd and the strength to face and endure hardships as I step closer to my dream. I’m a Med student and everyday the road keeps on getting rougher. And everytime I would felt like giving up, I ALWAYS remember Jaejoong. He constantly tells himself, “I need to become a singer.”As I imagine him, a tone-deaf person trying to make his way to become a known singer is something so moving. :”) Therefore I always tell myself, “I still need to become a doctor.”

Moreover, aside from all these things, DBSK sees to it that I also learn the hard part. I’m brave enough to say… that I have experienced the ups-and-down of being in this fandom, maybe not as much as those who’ve been a Cassie longer than me. I am never a spoiled child and that’s how DBSK makes a difference compared to other groups towards their own fandom.

DBSK were never “always” at the top, they have their own downfalls too and DBSK makes it sure that in every downfall, they are together with us. When the time comes for them to use all their mighty strength to get up, DBSK makes it sure that Cassiopeia stands up with them. I was taught about the importance of victory and most especially, the feeling of being sunken deep so that I will never make fun of other people who stumbled too.

They showed me… that life is never a bed full of roses, even for someone who is so famous like them.

DBSK is so much more than the pretty faces and beautiful voices. They shared to me every bit of them, even their souls and passion. It amazes me… that whenever they have the chance, they remind me of how much they love me and how grateful they are to have me. That it makes me question myself: “Do I have the guts to leave these boys’ side?”

Oh and some genius made this one! All those words that are written with caps lock are songs from DBSK~ (Except the first and last part)

TVfXQ | 東方神起 | DBSK | 동방신기 | THSK | とうほうしんき | The Rising Gods of the East

Cassiopeia~ Always Keeping The Faith through hard times, PROUD of your love for music and each other. We miss you so this is a Song For You, to help you Ride On into the future as Survivors, and 'fly to the top'. You gave us Somebody to Love, and took away the Darkness on our eyes, replacing it with the Beautiful You. Whatever They Say, we don't care because Together we Never Let Go. Why Did We Fall in Love with You?Because you're the Last Angels... The Rising Gods of the East. We are your Little Princesses and princes in your Magic Castle. We Believe that our Love Is...Unforgettable and One of a kind. We may be Choosey Lovers but I Love You With All My Heart, Mind and Soul and that is My Destiny. When We'll Be Together again and hear TVXQ as 5 saying Thanks To Cassiopeia, Holding Back The Tears will be impossible. As all of Cassiopeia CLAP, I believe a Rainbow could light up the Sky above us, one family holding red Balloons. I'll Be There, Lovin' You; and A Thousand Years' Love Song won't be enough to tell our tale. Nobody Knows how to Begin to say thank you to you, 5 men who are Superstars that can make us Weep and laugh and smile with them, although we may be a Long Way away. Nine years since debut this year and counting, we'll Stand By U for many more; there is no Dead End in our future. The Fighting Spirit of Dong Bang is Eternal and our hearts are never Empty when we see those 5 stars Shine on stage. From Hug to Mirotic, to Keep Your Head Down and In Heaven, through thick and thin, our Love Is Never Gone, it's Evergreen and Always There, Remember that. Although we can't Stop the Time, we Promise we'll be with you as time goes On and On, walking with you Step by Step. Because Tomorrow Will Come, we'll Stay with you Tonight and every following night, even the Rainy Nights... awaiting the Rising Sun and the Day Moon. You don't have to tell us 'Don't Forget' because our time together is an unForgotten Season. TVXQ and Cassiopeia fit together like a Melody and Harmony, the Keyword to each other's hearts. We Cassiopeians will forever be by your side, whether it be the silent supporters, or the die-hard fans; those of us who are close to you, or miles away. We will go on, cherishing TVXQ in our hearts, our memories, and our lives. As 2, 3 or 5, it doesn't matter. What matters is our love for you, and we will never say Farewell."

"It takes 5 particular 'stars' to create 'Cassiopeia'." We dedicate this to you, to let you know our love.

'Thank You' for being there for me ♥

I think I'm going to start doing the DBSK 30-days challenge again~ Since I've done few of these questions before, I'm just going to copy-paste them here. 

Day 1 - Your favorite DBSK member and why

Well Jaejoong is my ultimate bias so >'D He's just gorgeous! And not just his looks, he's such a warm and lovable person. He's so sweet and cute and sexy and the list goes on and on~ He's an angel on Earth ;w; 

Day 2 - Your favorite DBSK song

This has actually changed. It's now Love in the Ice and it has been my favorite for a while ;w; All those feelings in the lives are just-! There are no words to describe how this song makes me feel every time I hear it ♥

Day 3 - Your least DBSK song

Ouch this is hard one >.< But I think I'm going to say Kiss Shita Mama, Sayonara cuz it's not that good :CCC But it's my opinion! D:

Day 4 - A DBSK song that makes you happy

This is easy one >'D Balloons of course! How can it not make someone happy~

Day 5 - A DBSK song that makes you sad

Hmm... I really don't know if there is one. I'm going to say JYJ's W if it counts T3T It just is so... And those lyrics and all ;---;

Day 6 - A DBSK song that makes you giddy

Ugh... I can say nothing to this one >'D

Day 7 - A DBSK song you know all the words to

Well there are many of these. I know almost every lyrics from their Japanese songs but the first one I learned was Love in the Ice~

Day 8 - A DBSK dance you know all the moves to

I suck at dancing :C But I know JYJ's Be My Girl remix's dance moves lul

Day 9 - A DBSK dance you would like to learn

Well there are plenty of them! But I'm gonna say at least Mirotic, Wrong Number, Rising Sun, Summer Dream, Survivor and Choosey Lover n3n

Day 11 - Your favorite DBSK music video

Well this is hard one D: I have two favorites! First one is Summer Dream since it's so zippy and bright and makes me all happy inside and the second one is Wrong Number. It's so cool *-* 

Day 12 - The very first DBSK song you listened to

If I remember right it was Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattan Darou n3n

Day 13 - Your favorite variety show cut of Jaejoong

Day 14 - Your favorite variety show cut of Yunho

Day 15 - Your favorite variety show cut of Yoochun

Day 16 - Your favorite variety show cut of Junsu

Day 17 - Your favorite variety show cut of Changmin

Day 18 - The best dancer in the DBSK

Day 19 - The funniest DBSK member

Day 20 - Your favorite DBSK moment

Day 21 - Your favorite DBSK couple pairing with any other K-Pop star

Day 22 - Your favorite DBSK interview

Day 23 - Your favorite DBSK collab performance with any other K-Pop band/artist

Day 24 - The DBSK member you would want as your brother

Day 25 - A post dedicated to Jaejoong

Day 26 - A post dedicated to Yunho

Day 27 - A post dedicated to Yoochun

Day 28 - A post dedicated to Junsu

Day 29 - A post dedicated to Changmin

Day 30 - Why you love the DBSK

Best regards,
N ♥  Always keep the faith~

IX

Halloween came and went by so fast that I didn’t even get a chance to do anything special ;-; I was in the school late that day and when I got home, I made myself some nice treats, lit some candles and watched a movie called Sinister. Well I didn’t watch the end of it since my friend called me outside so spend the evening with her. It was fun tho ´u` We drove around the village and talked about lots of stuff. Now it's just time to wait for Christmas~!

This was me during the Halloween OuO

~~~

This is going to be a little shorter entry than the others. I found out that I might be able to get my own place in December or January so I'm kinda busy with that~ But I'm going to write more about it if I even get the apartment x3

Ni-chan ♥

VIII

This entry is going to be a little different than usual! I’m going to tell you about my fave mangas that I’m following right now since I don’t have that much to tell you about my life >’D Well I was in Sweden with my family but I forgot to take any pictures…  Phail me! Oh and all the mangas are shoujo (girly) mangas so if that’s not your things you might wanna skip this entry x3

So there are 7 mangas that I want to share with you! They are sorted randomly so not any specific order~ Oh and the prologues are all from MangaFox, I was too lazy to write my own ones x3 Also, this entry contains spoilers! So if you don't want to know, don't read this >3<

Dengeki Daisy

Teru, a poor and kind girl, recently lost her older brother, her only remaining relative. Before he died, he gave her a cell phone connecting her to a person he said would support her if ever he were unable to. As time passes she is cheered on by text messages sent from this enigmatic person, known only as DAISY. But one day, through an unexpected incident as Teru begins working for the delinquent school janitor, Kurosaki, she starts to question DAISY's identity. DAISY may be closer to Teru than she thinks...

This manga is actually about to end this October Q-Q Everything ends this month... But yeah! This manga is pretty long, over 60 chapters so far x3  I really like the characters, Teru is pretty sweet girl and Kurosaki is a little asshole >'D But he's pretty lovely person when he falls in love with Teru, he's such a sweetheart then~ Still there are a couple of thins that I dislike about this manga. First of all, there's just too much text! x.x I know it's important for the plot but still. I skip half of the page each time I read this and only read parts that have one or two lines in them. So basically I just ignore all the serious stuff and read the lovey-dovey and humor parts ´u`Second of all, the plot has gotten worse after Teru and Kurosaki got together, there's just too much stuff and I don't even know what's going on right now .-. It seems like they just wanted to make the manga longer since it sells but the quality has gotten a lot worse~

Kanojo wa Uso wo Aishisugiteru

Ogasawara Aki is the reclusive, idealistic composer of the popular band Crude Play. Discontented with his life and with no drive to succeed, he meets Riko, the 16-year-old grocer's daughter in a band consisting of her childhood friends, and asks her to be his girlfriend on a whim. Riko, young and innocent, agrees immediately, but worries about her new boyfriend, whom she suspects has just broken up with a woman he cared very much for.

I found this one when I was reading another manga from this mangaka, it's called Boku no Hatsukoi o Kimi ni Sasagu and it was pretty good so I decided to look up her other work. So I found this one and another one which was called Asa mo, Hiru mo, Yoru. Those two were good but this one... I just got addicted to this one but I don't actually like it >'D I don't like the main chara Riko and I hate her hair... I just started reading this to check how it was but now I can't help but continue reading it and I even don't know why u___u Well maybe I want to see how it ends~

Last Game

Yanagi's dad is a president of a large hotel, he himself is handsome and clever, always wins the favor among girls. Moreover, he's always on the top of class and champions in all sports meetings when he was in primary school. But after he met Kujou, a transfered student, he had never savored the taste of victory in any single match with this girl for ten years. "Let's bid for final victory, Kujou." There here comes the last game. Will Yanagi fall in love with Kujou while he hates his competitor but cares so much about this girl?

This is the most recent manga that I started! I found this one from the most popular shoujo mangas-list in MangaFox. I had to pick another manga since Boku no Hatsukoi o Kimi ni Sasagu ended and I found this one ^-^ It has been pretty good actually! I like how dorky Yanagi is and how clueless Kujou can be ´u` It's the most innocent love I've ever seen and I recommend this to everyone! They should just release the next chapter already D:

Watashi ni XX Shinasai!

Himuro Yukina, known as the "Absolute Zero Snow-woman" is a cold and observant girl. In addition, she is actually a popular cell phone novelist who goes by the name of Yupina. Sadly, with no other human contact than her cousin, Yukina is unable to express more romance in her novels. Kitami Shigure, your so-called "typical bishounen", who is really a womanizer, has fallen into Yukina's trap when she blackmails him, and Shigure ends up doing Yukina's ''missions of love''. As this continues, will these ''missions'' be an opportunity for them to fall in love?

Well this manga is also from the top list as the last one was! I like the idea of this one and the charas but there're somethings that bother me... You are freaking middle schoolers or close to that! You don't try to have sex in the locker! D: I just hope that the mangaka would've made them a little older, then it would be okay T-T Oh and I'm not the huge fan of love triangles so that's also a slight no-no in this manga >'D And why the hell are these cousins going out with each other? Am I the only one who finds it disgusting  >'D Well otherwise this is good! I love Yukina as the character ´u` I love her obsession of her glasses since I have ones myself! I like how she's so clueless about relationships and how she makes improvement through the manga~

Suki-tte Ii na Yo

Mei Tachibana has spent her 16 years without making either boyfriend or friends. One day, she drop-kicks a popular boy in school, Yamato Kurosawa, because of a misunderstanding but for some reason it seems that he takes a liking to her and one-sidedly claims that they’re friends. Furthermore, he not only protects Mei from a stalker, he does it with a kiss…?!!

This manga has actually been made into an anime and I loved it! ´u` Mei had so wonderful voice in it that I couldn't stop watching it lul~ But yeah! This is also from the top list >'D A lot of my mangas are from there since it's the best way of finding new, good mangas! I absolutely love this series ;w; I love everything about it, every character and every scene and ahh~ Although, I don't know why this manga isn't rated +18 in MangaFox since it has sex scenes in it ö-ö Well it's not my problem anymore huehue~ I love how Mei's character development isn't that fast that is usually is in mangas, she's still shy and insecure even though she's made some improvement and has made new friends and even has a boyfriend. Oh and I love her hair in the beginning! x3 I wish I could have it ;-; Oh and this series is going to have a live action series next year! Can't wait to see it ;w; 

Kyou, Koi wo Hajimemasu

Tsubaki is a girl who loves making her younger sister's hair pretty every morning, but she doesn't think that kind of style suits herself! The day of her High School Beginning Ceremony, after she failed in being the top student (who usually makes the ceremony speech), she finds herself sitting next to the actual top student of the first years, the worst, rudest guy ever, Kyouta. She ends up cutting his hair on purpose because of the awful things he says to her. Kyouta demands that Tsubaki pays him back with her body, but Tsubaki fixes his hair instead--making it even shorter!
After that, Kyouta unexpectedly kisses Tsubaki and swears that he'll take away all her firsts.

Ah, this is my favorite one of still ongoing mangas <3 It's just perfect! Characters and their development, the drawing style of this mangaka is just pure sex for my eyes and hnnggh~ Well you can guess where I found this one too? >'D Yup, from the most popular list! This actually is rated +18 in the MangaFox 'cause of the sex scenes it has~ The series has made into two OVA's and a movie (which I'm eager to see since Tori Matsuzaka plays Kyouta QwQ)~ I've seen the OVA's and Tsubaki has the sweetest voice ever~ It's so soft and all! Also I like the Idea of two Tsubaki's ´u` I've never seen anything like that before and it adds nice twist to the manga! I didn't like the fact that every girl was into Kyouta at the beginning and no one cared about Tsubaki but luckily now Kyouta has a rival and I can't wait to see how this all is going to end OvO

Kaichou wa Maid-sama!

Brilliant and overachieving, Misaki Ayuzawa is the President of the Student Council at Seika High School, formerly a boys' school. Unfortunately, most of the students are still male and stuck in their slovenly habits, so man-hating Misaki really socks it to 'em in an attempt to make the school presentable to attract more female students. But what will she do when the sexiest boy in school finds out that after school, Misaki works in a maid cafe.

This is a little extra since the series already ended this month but this is my absolute favorite manga ever so I wanted to share this with you guise! ;w; Even the word perfect isn't enough to describe this masterpiece! I'm a huge fan of maids, which was the main reason for me to start reading this manga at the first place~ But then I found out that this was so much more than just the maids. Misaki is the most perfect girl ever and Usui is the most perfect guy ;-; When I have a boyfriend I want him to be just like Usui, a creepy stalker in a cute way lol.... Well not really but you know what I mean! >'D This has also been made into an anime and it was awesome~ I hope that we'll get second season someday ´u` There was one thing though that I wasn't pleased with... The ending of the manga! You should never ever do the "xx years later" thing in mangas T^T It just ruins them! I don't want to know how serious life is when you're grown up, I just want to believe that they live in their own fairytale bubble for the rest of their lives! I didn't even like how they looked when they were old... Usui with that serious look and awful hairstyle, ugh... Well, I can just imagine that it never happened! >'D But this is soooo good <3 I might startd reading the manga from the very beginning again ´u`

Ni-chan ♥ 

VII

I’ve had so much action in my life in these past few weeks :0 I got the pre-result of my history’s final exam, the GazettE’s gig and I celebrated my bday! And I think you can guess that this entry is going to be picture heavy x3

~~~

First of all I wasn’t really pleased with the result of my exam. If I get the grade that my teacher gave me, which is M (it’s B in the States, etc.), I’m so disappointed ;A; I read the whole summer vacation and a month after that and I didn’t even get E (which would be A) and L would be the best but that would be a little too unrealistic for me. But the exam was pretty hard, even our teacher said that but still! Ugh, I hope that my religion’s final goes better, so I don’t have to worry about the history anymore. Now I just need to start studying again! \o/

~~~

And the GazettE’s gig… EH MER GERD it was awesome! ;A; They all were so god damn hawt and and and… The setlist was incredible and I headbanged sooo much that mu neck hurt the day after. And so did my feet and arms but that was all worth it x3

We went to the queue about at 1pm and the show started at 8pm. Luckily me and my friend had VIP tickets so we got in about at 5.30pm ^-^ But I was so disappointed at the VIP extras… We paid about 20 euros more for the ticket and yes, we did get in before anyone else but we only got this small gift that wouldn’t even cost those 20 euros. Luckily the merchandises were good ´u` I got the iPhone 4s cover, big towel, hoodie, t-shirt and the bag to carry them. I didn’t even spend a half of my budget so I was pretty pleased! Now I got money to save x3

The merchandises that I bought~

This was the VIP gift

The day after the gig ( ´ ▽ ` )

~~~

I’m officially and adult now! At least here in Finland lawl~ The first ‘birthday present’ that I got was a letter from a bank, telling me to arrange a meeting with them… The cold reality hits me into my face right now lul. I have to do so many things and organize stuff since I’m now the only responsible of my own actions. I wanna be child again! ;A; Give it back to me, that sweet childhood! Buhuhhuhu ;-; Turning 18 isn’t even that big of a deal for me, I don’t drink, party, smoke of even want to drive a car… It’s like useless age for me >’D Well actually! There are things that I’ve waited before I was 18: now I can’t legally go watch +18 horror movies at cinemas, play games with slot machines and now I can access +18 sections in events! Yup that’s it ^-^ Oh and I can buy +18 games and horror films!

I had dinner with my family in my actual birthday x3 I was good! They had that sugar that pops in your mouth in the ice cream :O So good!

Still I had the best birthday ever! I always wanted to throw a ‘kids party’ when turning 18 since that’s the turning point between childhood and adulthood. And I did actually *-* I invited my friend groups from school and my best friend to my place and we played a lot of games, sang karaoke and even had cake! A lot of cake x3 We also played spin the bottle for good old times’ sake >’D It was super fun! We stayed up till 7am and my friends left the next day~ Our dress code was to be boys :0 I was a super fancy gentleman with a top hat!

PIZZAAA OAO

My mom made me this rainbow cake ;w; It was so tasty and everyone said it was awesum *-* Thanks mommy! <3

She also made this cake too! It was also good *w*

My friend took all the pics! (Well I took the second one lul) So all credit to her~

~~~

Fall is here! Well almost, it's still quite warm outside but all the leaves are already lost their green color. I have quite mixed feelings towards fall, I like it but at the same time I hate it. All the colors are pretty and you can wear those comfy sweaters and the sound of raining is so relaxing BUT it's also too cold and I hate the rain when I have to go outside :E Well when winter comes I think I'm gonna freeze to death.. Again. 

On my way to school! It was pretty *w*

Ni-chan♥

VI

God I suck with these entries, I'm sowwy! Q-Q I've just been so busy with my history's final exam and right now I have an exam week. But after is I have three days free ´u` And then it's my birthday~ I guess I'm going to be officially an adult then!

So a little catch up for this last month. I was in the zoo with my relatives in the end of August~ Although I don't like that animals are being held in cages I still enjoyed my time in there ^-^ Here are some pictures I took~

Highlight of the day *v*

And guess what were my favorite animals in there? BEARS! God I just luv them ;w;

There were also some sand castle competition. These were my favorites~

~~~

There were also an anime and roleplaying convention called Tracon few weeks back _but_ unfortunately I forgot my camera at home Q-Q So no pictures this time, sorry! But I still enjoyed my time in there ´u`

Five days to go till the GazettE's gig here in Finland! Can't wait!

With love,
Ni-chan

V

My school started two weeks ago so I have been a little busy and haven't had time to upload my blog >.< Sowwy~ It has been a mess since I have my finals this school year x-x So many things to do, ugh.

I finally got my order from Rakuten Global Market and I've been loving the clothes I got *-* Since my camera kinda died (or at least I think so lul) I don't have many pictures of them but here's something~ I actually haven't really used these clothes since we got from school for everyone who's (I checked this word-monster in the dictionary lul) candidate for the matriculation examination, basically for seniors! So I've been using them ´u`

~~~

There really has been nothing special going on the past few weeks. I'm just waiting for an anime convention in 14-15th of next month so *-* And the GazettE's gig here in Finland in 29th of the same month! Also, Kuroko no Basuke's 2nd season is coming out in October so there's a lot to look forward to >w<

~~~

And also, I've been having a thing for guys with curly/wavy hair ♥w♥ So here, you can enjoy them too!

Best wishes,
Ni-chan ♥

IV

I've spent the last week mostly with my daddy and sister or studying for my finals so it's been pretty lazy week for me~ And I've also looked very boring so there's no pics of me this time |D Luckily I'm going to the hair salon next Wednesday and I can finally get rid of my way-too-long bangs!

 I went to our capital, Helsinki, with my sister on Thursday since I had to buy new school books and some products from the Body Shop so asked her to come there with me~ We also met up with my sister's gf and went to eat some minute steak together. It was supper yummy and I had great time ´u` Then my sis went to stay over in her gf's house and I got back home to babysit her doggy with my daddy, lawl >w<

I asked my sis a permission to this pic~ But isn't he gorgeous ;A; ♥ 

Friday was boring studying day for me but on Saturday me and my daddy went to the movies together! We haven't spent time together with just the two of us for so long that I can't even remember the last time :0  But it was fun and the movie was awesome! We went to see World War Z since it was pretty much the only movie that sounded interesting~

Movies~ 

My heaven, cotton candy *3*

And today I got something really nice from the mail ´u` You remember when I sent the package to Yohio? Well he (or his manager or something) sent me back a letter \o/ I was so happy when I found that from our mailbox ;w; It was only a signed picture of him but at least I know he got my package and has seen the doll, I'm super happy~ ♥

Here it is~

~~~

I'm going to have a little talk in here again~ This time it's actually about me and my personal life. I've been doing so much thinking this summer, mostly about my future and what am I going to do after I graduate. But I've also lost so many contacts during this summer that it has crushed me.

Since it's time for my finals this school year, many of my relatives who I've visited this summer has asked me about my plans etc. Every time I tell them what I want to do and where I want to go I get the same answer; It's too far-fetched or Shouldn't you do something more common? They don't understand why I like such things that I do and why can't I do something "normal" since I'm the only one in my family that likes these things. I love Japan, I love S-Korea, I love Asia. I want to know so much more about these and other cultures but they don't get it. For them it's just a silly hobby of mine that will go away eventually when I grow up a little more. No it won't. People have said to me this before 7 years ago, that my passion about these things will go away in couple of years but it hasn't. On the contrary my passion has just grown. My passion has become part of me that doesn't go away, a part of me that has made me let go of so many things but has given me many more back.

Sadly, this Asian-thing has made a barrier between me ans most of the people. Before I got into these things, I was friends with almost everyone in my school that were my age. I spent every moment with these people and we had a great time together. Slowly after getting interested about Japanese stuff, my friends became more distant and I was left only with few good friends. In JH I spent time with other people than those good friends of mine but it was very awkward for me. I looked different, I was thinking about things differently and I did never got to that "inner circle". It didn't bother me then since I had those awesome 4 friends who were always there for me.

Well when it was time for us to go to high school, everyone of us went to a different school. My best friend moved away during our second year in junior high and it was pretty rough for me since she used to be always there for me. But in year 2011 I lost everyone of those important people for me. I knew some people who came to the same HS with me but it was not the same. I was going to be that weird again. Luckily I made some friends there but it has never been the same. I know they're never going to contact me after we graduate and then I'm never going to see them again. I'm not the one who they'll call when they get new boyfriend or when they breakup or when they get in to the university where they wanted to go or when they get the job that they've always dreamed of. I've never been that person to them and I never will be. 

Well about my future plans, I actually know what I want to do. I want to go to study Japanese and Korean culture and language. It would be awesome to go to university in UK but Finland is fine too. Sadly there's only one uni in here which teaches Japanese and Korean and they only take 16 people every year and there's always over 400 people who want to go there so my chances are not that great. But I won't give up, it's my dream. My dream is to go to Japan or Korea and teach English in there. Or go to somewhere and teach Japanese or Korean in there. That's what I want to do. I would also like to get my own clothing brand but that's not so realistic dream~ But everyone is telling me it's not possible and it's silly and I hate it. Luckily my mom is kinda supportive and tells me that I can become whatever I want and that means a lot to me but whenever we talk about my future with someone else, she tries to turn my head around. Well I know she worries about how I'll survive but still it bugs me.

But I've decided that I'll walk along this road no matter where it takes me. I've already lost one of my lifelong dreams and I regret it so much everyday. I don't want to regret anything anymore. If it means that I have to be all alone this last year of HS it's fine. If I have to apply for the uni I want five times before I get there it's fine. I may be a crybaby and cry every time something bad happens but I can deal with that. I can get stronger and more mature but it doesn't stop me from achieving my dreams.

Someday I'll be a teacher somewhere. Someday I'll have my own fashion show. Someday I'll stand up on a stage and perform a wonderful song for everyone I love. Someday I'll be someone's own little princess and I'll have my very own prince. Someday this all will come true.

Ni-chan ♥