XXVI

 Hmmm what was the last thing I wrote about... It's so long ago I can't even remember myself :'D But yeah I'm back! Been kinda busy even thou I haven't had anything special to do. But I still have some news!

So as we all already know I graduated from high school. Because of that I had to find myself a new school, something where I could get an occupation. I don't actually know what I want to do with my life yet so picking a school was hard for me. But I've always been interested in games and designing so I decided to apply for this vocational school in middle Finland where you can study for a game developer and map/character designer. I never actually thought I could get in since basically everyone wants to be in the gaming industry nowadays and there were more than 100 applicants for this school and I knew they wold only take few in every year.

But I got in. And it wasn't even a close call since the lowest points from the entrance exam they accepted was 5,25 and I got 7,25. I actually made it... And I wasn't the only one! My sister applied for the same school also and she got in too :'D It feel unbelievable that we both made it but now we're moving together to this tiny village in the middle of nowhere in fall~ We actually already got an apartment for ourselves n___n Now I'll just have to start packing~

I still don't know if this is what I want to do but hey! I don't have to be there if I don't like it. And I'll never know if this is what I've been looking for if I don't try *-*

~~~

So I found out about my acceptance two weeks ago and I went kinda celebrate it with my friends ^-^ We went to glow bowling and after that we went to the field next to airport to watch some airplanes. It was so pretty~ Perfect spot to take a girl for a date, with a blanket and  picnic supplies *wink wink* heh...

The plains where so close *-* (Sorry about the quality, I only had my phone with me)

The following day we went to my friend's family's cabin to mow the lawn >'D It was pretty funny! First time I've ever mowed with the lawnmower that you actually have to drive~ And then we went to have ice cream *-* My first ice cream this summer! It was great n___n The whole day was awesome~

We did great job, didn't we? *-*

~~~

Also I finally found out that I got accepted as a volunteer worker for this anime convention here in Finland called Animecon on July! I'm gonna be working at the accommodation with my friend~ Gonna make sure people be quiet during the night and stuff :B I'm gonna be working from 12 am to 6 am so it's gonna be a long weekend :'D But we made plans with my friend to watch some anime since I'm bringing my laptop with me. Can't wait!

Love
Miki~

XXV

There were so many typos I had to fix them

So I finally graduated from high school, yaaay~ But I'll make another entry about it later after I've received my pics from that day. This one is going to be a little more personal and heart-to-heart kind of post. I just want to let some steam out and might even delete this entry afterwards.

~~~

Anyone of you has heard about an existential crisis? Well that's what has been going on with my life lately. I think it started when I went to high school, might be 'cause I finally got all of these huge responsibilities on my shoulders that I finally started questioning everything. Basically an existential crisis is when you start to question everything about living like why do we even live if there really is no purpose for it and that we actually are all alone in this universe and we don't really matter at all. You can just imagine how fun it was to think stuff like that when you had to study for your exams and think about your future. All I really wanted to do was lay on my bed and just hope that these thoughts would leave me alone since I didn't actually want to think like that. I wanted to enjoy my life to the fullest but my brain wouldn't let me.

Well some time passed and I got used to these thought since they appeared less frequently and I realized that when I was having an existential crisis the next day would be much enjoyable for me since I was usually so full of life and energy. But now it has gotten worse again. When my friends ask me to go out with me I just think "What's the point?" and decline the offer, I don't feel like taking care of myself cause I don't see the reason to do so, I can't even look at my sister's dog without thinking that he's gonna be dead at some point just like everyone else who's important to me. It's frustrating 'cause I really don't want to do that but my brain just won't shut up.

Maybe things have gotten worse is due to the fact that it look like everyone else is moving on and I'm just stuck in this same situation and place all the time. Some of them have gotten a new job, others are in a new relationship or have find something to be really passionate about. They know what they want for their future and I have not even a single clue what I'm gonna do. Well I don't want a massive change in my life but I just need something new. Otherwise I don't see a reason to get out of the bed and just merge with my sheets...