So I finally graduated from high school, yaaay~ But I'll make another entry about it later after I've received my pics from that day. This one is going to be a little more personal and heart-to-heart kind of post. I just want to let some steam out and might even delete this entry afterwards.
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Anyone of you has heard about an existential crisis? Well that's what has been going on with my life lately. I think it started when I went to high school, might be 'cause I finally got all of these huge responsibilities on my shoulders that I finally started questioning everything. Basically an existential crisis is when you start to question everything about living like why do we even live if there really is no purpose for it and that we actually are all alone in this universe and we don't really matter at all. You can just imagine how fun it was to think stuff like that when you had to study for your exams and think about your future. All I really wanted to do was lay on my bed and just hope that these thoughts would leave me alone since I didn't actually want to think like that. I wanted to enjoy my life to the fullest but my brain wouldn't let me.
Well some time passed and I got used to these thought since they appeared less frequently and I realized that when I was having an existential crisis the next day would be much enjoyable for me since I was usually so full of life and energy. But now it has gotten worse again. When my friends ask me to go out with me I just think "What's the point?" and decline the offer, I don't feel like taking care of myself cause I don't see the reason to do so, I can't even look at my sister's dog without thinking that he's gonna be dead at some point just like everyone else who's important to me. It's frustrating 'cause I really don't want to do that but my brain just won't shut up.
Maybe things have gotten worse is due to the fact that it look like everyone else is moving on and I'm just stuck in this same situation and place all the time. Some of them have gotten a new job, others are in a new relationship or have find something to be really passionate about. They know what they want for their future and I have not even a single clue what I'm gonna do. Well I don't want a massive change in my life but I just need something new. Otherwise I don't see a reason to get out of the bed and just merge with my sheets...
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