XXXVIII

I literally am the worst blogger ever, aren't I? It's been almost a year since I wrote here. I guess I just lost interest on blogging and didn't really have anything to write about. But guess what! Today (or night actually) I'm gonna make a new entry. I'm just gonna write anything that comes to my mind so I apologize if this entry is going to be messy.

I quit school! As I wrote before, I changed from game development into studying sound technology. I thought it was going to be the thing I've always wanted to do but nope. After half a year of studying I decided to quit because it really wasn't my thing. It was hard for me 'cause I knew that it wasn't something I wanted to do in my life but the school was so nice. I really enjoyed my time in there. My class was amazing, so were the teachers and some of the things I learned were really interesting. Still not for me tho. Now I'm just sitting at home trying to figure out that I want to do with my life. I've tried to get a job but it's so difficult with almost zero experience. I've no idea what I'm gonna do next spring. Do I apply for new school and if I do that what am I gonna study? So many things I need to figure out.

I went to three different anime conventions this summer and one of them was Tracon in Tampere. I've only been there one time before so it was kinda new experience for me. And I was also doing volunteer work there so that was new as well! I have to say, it was the best convention where I've been so far. I met some great new people, the programs were interesting and I got to meet Simon and Martina from Eat your kimchi! They were amazing and Martina is so pretty I seriously couldn't take it. Q-Q I also saw Die/May and Yohio play live at the convention which was incredible as well! It would've been the perfect weekend if I didn't hurt my foot on Sunday. I don't know what was wrong with it but it took almost a month to recover. :(

I've done a lot of thing I didn't think I would ever do. I wrote before how I was really shy and couldn't even talk on the phone with strangers. Well guess what, I actually went to this kpop-party-thing here in Finland, alone. Yes I went alone 'cause I couldn't get anyone to come with me. I did meet some people there and I spent the night with them and I had a blast. ;w; And I've also gotten to know some new people online. We share the same interests and it's been nice to meet people like that. ^-^

Here's some pictures!

And back to blonde!

Not sure if you knew I had orange hair~

Went to see my friend at her place.
Such a pretty morning

Popin' cookin' sushi kit

Helsinki Pride!

Grilling with friends~

Cosplayed Momoi from Kuroko no Basuke.
Had to take my contacts off since I got a headache :'D

Simon and Martina

Yohio, Warcus, Fredrik and Dennis

Die/May 

There was a light show at the amusement park in Helsinki

Went to see my favorite Finnish artist at the cruise~

I seriously hate trying to organize photos in Blogger. I'm sorry it looks ugly but I spent almost half an hour trying to make it look nice. :'D It's not my fault this is not working properly.

XXXVI

I wanted to make a thank you entry for a certain person. Thanking him for the past year. It has been amazing and I've learned so much thanks to him. I've learned how to face any hardships I have on my way and to believe in myself when no one else does. I believe that I can achieve almost anything I want in this life if I just have the courage to go for it. I've learned that there's no one who can tell me how to live my life or who I should be. I've learned to hold my head up high but at the same time have a respect for others. I've learned that we're all here to write our own stories and no one else can write it for us. I've also learned to question things in life that I've never even thought before. I've learned that I want to make a change in the world before my time here on Earth is over, even though it would be only a tiny one.

So thank you Yohio. I'm not sure if you'll ever read this but I still wanted to write you this message. Please have an amazing year of 2015 and I promise I'll support you as long as I can.

Show me that your smile can change the world we live in [Ssource]

XX

So we went on a cruise to Sweden with my mom and friend~ It was fun, as always ;w; I pretty much just went around shopping the whole while being in Stockholm and boy it was tiring. I got some nice stuff, clothes and my "main reason" to go to Sweden, Yohio's new album Together We Stand Alone! I've been listening to it non-stop till today ;w; It's so good~I have to say my favorite song from the album is probably Shattered Dreams of a Broken Nation and my fave lovey-dovey song has to be Rocket ´u` Too good songs, too good.

~~~

I also went to this big Disney concert with my mom here in Helsinki~ There was this huge orchestra that played all the classics and it sounded amazing ;w; Pirates of the Caribbean theme song sounded so extreme! But there were some things that I didn't like... I thought the Lion King part at the end was a huge disappointment for me. I mean they played Circle of Life three times. It was the opening song of the LK part and then it came as an encore song. I mean that was okay, I could understand that but when they did another encore it was also the Circle of Life. We heard the song already two times, wasn't it enough? And then again last time I checked Simba is a male lion. I Just Can't Wait to Be King was sang by a woman... And Can You Feel the Love Tonight is a duet! Where was Nala's part! ;A; But yeah, overall it was a great concerts ^w^ I'll got to go to see it again next year~

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Oh yes! I also have an announcement to make. I'm gonna be in Japan from 10th to 20th of this month~ So no blogging for awhile ^w^ I'll have to start packing now! So excited OvO

N ♥

XII

Hrrr it has been so cold for the past few days~ There hasn't been that much snow here during this winter but now its finally snowing. And it doesn't seem to have an end...

These past couple of weeks have gone running. I have my first final exams at the end of the week and had all kinds of training exams before them. Basically all I have done is studying~ But we have this event coming up in our school! Its a senior's day where us, the seniors, dress up in costumes and give a little show to the whole school ´u` At the end of the day we go on a ride with trucks and throw candy to students that are still in primary school~ And then we do for a 24 hour cruise! 

This year our school's theme is Hollywood so basically we have to dress up as characters from movies, actors or actresses. Or a basic evening dress is also fine. I got my costume a few days ago and its perfect *w*  Not gonna tell you what it is yet! It will be a surprise~

~~~

Its finally the time of the year for Melodifestivalen again! Its this Swedish music contest where all sorts of artists and bands compete to be the one who represents Sweden in the Eurovision song contest~ And for those who don't know what that is, its basically a huge music contest that is shown all around Europe and its an honor to be able to represent your own country in there.

Yohio was in Melfest last year too but he placed second and didn't make it to the Eurovision. It was unfair since the Swedes voted him to the win but he didn't get enough votes from the other European countries that were voting too. I mean its Sweden's candidate so shouldn't it be their decision who they're going to choose? 

But anyways! This year Yohio's song is called To the End and it's written by Yohio himself with Andreas Johanson, Peter Kvint and Johan Lyander. It wasn't a bad song but it wasn't the best either. It was catchy nut I still prefer Heartbreak Hotel over it, which was his song last year. There was something missing.  I didn't get the "Wow" experience that I got last year. The choreography was a disappointment to be honest. Since Yohio has that much energy and he can move nicely on the stage then why shouldn't you make something exiting this year too? I mean you looked gorgeous but I would like to see something else than you just standing in the middle of the stage...

He did make it straight to the finals though! I knew I could trust Swedes in this one ´u` I hope he does something to the performance still, now that he has time to improve it. Here's the video from the show:

Best wishes,
N-chan~ ♥

IV

I've spent the last week mostly with my daddy and sister or studying for my finals so it's been pretty lazy week for me~ And I've also looked very boring so there's no pics of me this time |D Luckily I'm going to the hair salon next Wednesday and I can finally get rid of my way-too-long bangs!

 I went to our capital, Helsinki, with my sister on Thursday since I had to buy new school books and some products from the Body Shop so asked her to come there with me~ We also met up with my sister's gf and went to eat some minute steak together. It was supper yummy and I had great time ´u` Then my sis went to stay over in her gf's house and I got back home to babysit her doggy with my daddy, lawl >w<

I asked my sis a permission to this pic~ But isn't he gorgeous ;A; ♥ 

Friday was boring studying day for me but on Saturday me and my daddy went to the movies together! We haven't spent time together with just the two of us for so long that I can't even remember the last time :0  But it was fun and the movie was awesome! We went to see World War Z since it was pretty much the only movie that sounded interesting~

Movies~ 

My heaven, cotton candy *3*

And today I got something really nice from the mail ´u` You remember when I sent the package to Yohio? Well he (or his manager or something) sent me back a letter \o/ I was so happy when I found that from our mailbox ;w; It was only a signed picture of him but at least I know he got my package and has seen the doll, I'm super happy~ ♥

Here it is~

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I'm going to have a little talk in here again~ This time it's actually about me and my personal life. I've been doing so much thinking this summer, mostly about my future and what am I going to do after I graduate. But I've also lost so many contacts during this summer that it has crushed me.

Since it's time for my finals this school year, many of my relatives who I've visited this summer has asked me about my plans etc. Every time I tell them what I want to do and where I want to go I get the same answer; It's too far-fetched or Shouldn't you do something more common? They don't understand why I like such things that I do and why can't I do something "normal" since I'm the only one in my family that likes these things. I love Japan, I love S-Korea, I love Asia. I want to know so much more about these and other cultures but they don't get it. For them it's just a silly hobby of mine that will go away eventually when I grow up a little more. No it won't. People have said to me this before 7 years ago, that my passion about these things will go away in couple of years but it hasn't. On the contrary my passion has just grown. My passion has become part of me that doesn't go away, a part of me that has made me let go of so many things but has given me many more back.

Sadly, this Asian-thing has made a barrier between me ans most of the people. Before I got into these things, I was friends with almost everyone in my school that were my age. I spent every moment with these people and we had a great time together. Slowly after getting interested about Japanese stuff, my friends became more distant and I was left only with few good friends. In JH I spent time with other people than those good friends of mine but it was very awkward for me. I looked different, I was thinking about things differently and I did never got to that "inner circle". It didn't bother me then since I had those awesome 4 friends who were always there for me.

Well when it was time for us to go to high school, everyone of us went to a different school. My best friend moved away during our second year in junior high and it was pretty rough for me since she used to be always there for me. But in year 2011 I lost everyone of those important people for me. I knew some people who came to the same HS with me but it was not the same. I was going to be that weird again. Luckily I made some friends there but it has never been the same. I know they're never going to contact me after we graduate and then I'm never going to see them again. I'm not the one who they'll call when they get new boyfriend or when they breakup or when they get in to the university where they wanted to go or when they get the job that they've always dreamed of. I've never been that person to them and I never will be. 

Well about my future plans, I actually know what I want to do. I want to go to study Japanese and Korean culture and language. It would be awesome to go to university in UK but Finland is fine too. Sadly there's only one uni in here which teaches Japanese and Korean and they only take 16 people every year and there's always over 400 people who want to go there so my chances are not that great. But I won't give up, it's my dream. My dream is to go to Japan or Korea and teach English in there. Or go to somewhere and teach Japanese or Korean in there. That's what I want to do. I would also like to get my own clothing brand but that's not so realistic dream~ But everyone is telling me it's not possible and it's silly and I hate it. Luckily my mom is kinda supportive and tells me that I can become whatever I want and that means a lot to me but whenever we talk about my future with someone else, she tries to turn my head around. Well I know she worries about how I'll survive but still it bugs me.

But I've decided that I'll walk along this road no matter where it takes me. I've already lost one of my lifelong dreams and I regret it so much everyday. I don't want to regret anything anymore. If it means that I have to be all alone this last year of HS it's fine. If I have to apply for the uni I want five times before I get there it's fine. I may be a crybaby and cry every time something bad happens but I can deal with that. I can get stronger and more mature but it doesn't stop me from achieving my dreams.

Someday I'll be a teacher somewhere. Someday I'll have my own fashion show. Someday I'll stand up on a stage and perform a wonderful song for everyone I love. Someday I'll be someone's own little princess and I'll have my very own prince. Someday this all will come true.

Ni-chan ♥