IV

I've spent the last week mostly with my daddy and sister or studying for my finals so it's been pretty lazy week for me~ And I've also looked very boring so there's no pics of me this time |D Luckily I'm going to the hair salon next Wednesday and I can finally get rid of my way-too-long bangs!

 I went to our capital, Helsinki, with my sister on Thursday since I had to buy new school books and some products from the Body Shop so asked her to come there with me~ We also met up with my sister's gf and went to eat some minute steak together. It was supper yummy and I had great time ´u` Then my sis went to stay over in her gf's house and I got back home to babysit her doggy with my daddy, lawl >w<

I asked my sis a permission to this pic~ But isn't he gorgeous ;A; ♥ 

Friday was boring studying day for me but on Saturday me and my daddy went to the movies together! We haven't spent time together with just the two of us for so long that I can't even remember the last time :0  But it was fun and the movie was awesome! We went to see World War Z since it was pretty much the only movie that sounded interesting~

Movies~ 

My heaven, cotton candy *3*

And today I got something really nice from the mail ´u` You remember when I sent the package to Yohio? Well he (or his manager or something) sent me back a letter \o/ I was so happy when I found that from our mailbox ;w; It was only a signed picture of him but at least I know he got my package and has seen the doll, I'm super happy~ ♥

Here it is~

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I'm going to have a little talk in here again~ This time it's actually about me and my personal life. I've been doing so much thinking this summer, mostly about my future and what am I going to do after I graduate. But I've also lost so many contacts during this summer that it has crushed me.

Since it's time for my finals this school year, many of my relatives who I've visited this summer has asked me about my plans etc. Every time I tell them what I want to do and where I want to go I get the same answer; It's too far-fetched or Shouldn't you do something more common? They don't understand why I like such things that I do and why can't I do something "normal" since I'm the only one in my family that likes these things. I love Japan, I love S-Korea, I love Asia. I want to know so much more about these and other cultures but they don't get it. For them it's just a silly hobby of mine that will go away eventually when I grow up a little more. No it won't. People have said to me this before 7 years ago, that my passion about these things will go away in couple of years but it hasn't. On the contrary my passion has just grown. My passion has become part of me that doesn't go away, a part of me that has made me let go of so many things but has given me many more back.

Sadly, this Asian-thing has made a barrier between me ans most of the people. Before I got into these things, I was friends with almost everyone in my school that were my age. I spent every moment with these people and we had a great time together. Slowly after getting interested about Japanese stuff, my friends became more distant and I was left only with few good friends. In JH I spent time with other people than those good friends of mine but it was very awkward for me. I looked different, I was thinking about things differently and I did never got to that "inner circle". It didn't bother me then since I had those awesome 4 friends who were always there for me.

Well when it was time for us to go to high school, everyone of us went to a different school. My best friend moved away during our second year in junior high and it was pretty rough for me since she used to be always there for me. But in year 2011 I lost everyone of those important people for me. I knew some people who came to the same HS with me but it was not the same. I was going to be that weird again. Luckily I made some friends there but it has never been the same. I know they're never going to contact me after we graduate and then I'm never going to see them again. I'm not the one who they'll call when they get new boyfriend or when they breakup or when they get in to the university where they wanted to go or when they get the job that they've always dreamed of. I've never been that person to them and I never will be. 

Well about my future plans, I actually know what I want to do. I want to go to study Japanese and Korean culture and language. It would be awesome to go to university in UK but Finland is fine too. Sadly there's only one uni in here which teaches Japanese and Korean and they only take 16 people every year and there's always over 400 people who want to go there so my chances are not that great. But I won't give up, it's my dream. My dream is to go to Japan or Korea and teach English in there. Or go to somewhere and teach Japanese or Korean in there. That's what I want to do. I would also like to get my own clothing brand but that's not so realistic dream~ But everyone is telling me it's not possible and it's silly and I hate it. Luckily my mom is kinda supportive and tells me that I can become whatever I want and that means a lot to me but whenever we talk about my future with someone else, she tries to turn my head around. Well I know she worries about how I'll survive but still it bugs me.

But I've decided that I'll walk along this road no matter where it takes me. I've already lost one of my lifelong dreams and I regret it so much everyday. I don't want to regret anything anymore. If it means that I have to be all alone this last year of HS it's fine. If I have to apply for the uni I want five times before I get there it's fine. I may be a crybaby and cry every time something bad happens but I can deal with that. I can get stronger and more mature but it doesn't stop me from achieving my dreams.

Someday I'll be a teacher somewhere. Someday I'll have my own fashion show. Someday I'll stand up on a stage and perform a wonderful song for everyone I love. Someday I'll be someone's own little princess and I'll have my very own prince. Someday this all will come true.

Ni-chan ♥